A life without you, scares me the most
I got that from Nique's MSN nick.
And I thought that was so so so true.
Now I fucking hate staying home. I got power to nothing. Even venting my anger, I fucking get yelled at. And that fuckedup kid at home pissed me off every single sec. Quarrel over the fucking com, the tv & even the tv volume. Fuck this shit. I just wish things weren't that bad at home. I need some space. I suspect that mom's been trying her best, I say again, best to invade my privacy. Dad's been helping mom. That imp is trying to screw my life, as usual. Nothing's new about her anyway. No one is gonna make it better, apart from Xav who at least tries her fucking best to make me smile. And for that honey, thanks a bunch.
I wonder what happened to the folks. They're being ever so biased & I do not likehate them for that. I can't use the phone whenever I feel like it 'cos mom will start saying "Nellie again". & I don't like. If you don't like her, at least respect her as my girllfriend. Mom will try her very best to make whoever's on the phone with me hang up so that she can check on the redial or the caller ID, whose number is that. I wonder why is she doing all these for. I'm so starting to hate everything, all over again. I don't like the feeling of it. Sometimes, I feel like telling mom I need move out on my own then I'd be better. I don't care if I have to save on every single thing so that I can survive. I just need to be on my own. I can't stand all these. Patience & endurence is limited to one, I guess.
I'm so tired of hiding. Hiding everything from them. I can't be myself. Even crying, I get scolded. Wtf, what's wrong with crying? I can't have emotions, that is. Happy is the only emotion I can have uh? I can't blog 'cos mom thinks that blogging is the way I tell everyone how miserable she make my life, how scary she is. Yeh I am doing so now, are you scared mom? I can't text message 'cos mom thinks that I'm wasting money. It's within the expected rate la okay. Everything's about Grizel Grizel & more about Grizel. Grizel's her world, her life, her body, her fucking soul. And I'm just a little fry.
Whatever mom, whatever.
I can't seem to love you, anyway. I did said that I won't call you names anymore but mom you did it again. I've never made you happy. Even being in the top few acadamically doesn't satisfy you. Forget it mom, I guess I'll just disappoint all your life & Zel will be one who will do you proud even when she's positioned 28/30 in class.
I shall not talk about it. Enough said
Talking to Nique & Shar online. Tammy's sending me High School Musical movie. I'm downloading it as well. Shar & I are talking about Lword. I'm gonna watch it soon, say horray. Nique & I are talking about some private stuffs. Relationships can be so fucked up.
Oh. I forgot to mention. Zel doesn't mind lesbians. And she's open about it. She thinks that mom is stupid for being against them. I'm happy. At least she's together with meeeeeee :) For that, I love her. Only for that.
Oh yesterday! I went to baby's place. ook a fucking cab there. Waited for the cab in the fucking rain for an hour. The cab fare was 20bucks. Don't wanna mention why. Got scolded by the taxi driver & baby did too. Fine, whatever. I was pissed & sad for a minute. I was still thinking of how to ignore baby. But when she open up the door, she was smiling away & she moved over to kiss me. Then okay fine, not angry anymore. HEHEHE :] Joel was asking if I had gums. I gave him the entire box of it. Haha, he was damn happy la. He left for school. Baby & I had fun! Man, she's damn disturbing sometimes. Haha. Baby showered & we went to Cine for lunch. Her favourite omelette noodle! :D Talked for awhile & left. Went to meet Qiaos @ the Airport. Sent baby to work. :( Baby's friends are cute. I hate it when we have to act like friends. I just can't go 'baby blahblah'. I have to change it to 'ayayay!' So weird. So Qiaos & I went to Burger King & got fries & rings. :D Ate along the way. Camwhored a little. Got to Newton. Waited @ the lounge. Camwhored again. :D Jazz Funk was fun. Anne was the instructor & she played Take The Lead's soundtrack! :) Damn tiring day. Lessons ended @ 930pm. Dad came to send us home. Got to catch the end of the Channel 8's 9pm show. Women Of Times I think? Showered, ate a little. Wanted to wait for baby but I fell asleep :( Sorry baby!! I'll make it up tday.
I llove you babysweets. <33
Right & now she's ranting. She wants to use the com. Whining like some motherfucking bitch. Shut up man. Ugh.
Babybabybaby, wake up soon please. :(
Nique, thanks for hearing me out. You know I appreciate it. :)
I miss that feeling so much. I miss having you standing out at my school gate, having to see you immediately after dismissal, having you to carry my school bag for me, having my friends teasing us.
Memories to keep.
<3.
2:26 PM
Mend this broken thing./
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